I think it could end up being one of THOSE days. Started off by waking up 50 minutes late. One thing I hate more than anything is having my routine messed with -- I like structure and organization -- and my morning routine is the most important because if its messed with, it usually is an indication of how my day is going to go. So instead of being able to leisurely get ready for work, I had to get myself in high gear. I normally LEAVE for work at exactly 6 a.m. When I woke up it was 5:50 -- uggh. So no time for a shower -- instead I just brushed my teeth, put on makeup, got dressed, tried to do something with this hair (that's another whole post), took my pills and out the door I went. So I managed to only be 15 minutes late for work. And by late, its not like somebody is sitting in my office with their arms crossed and tapping their feet, saying WHERE IS SHE? SHE'S LATE! Its not like that where I work -- its extremely flexible. If I wanted to, I could start at 9 and just work later. But I like to get in early so I can leave early. I like to be able to see some daylight when I get out of work and to be able to ENJOY some of the day. And I like to miss the bulk of the traffic. By leaving at 6 am I can usually be at work in 15-20 minutes. Leave any later than that and the idiots have started showing up on the road. So when my routine is messed with, its only really messed with in my own head, but I still don't like it. It still throws me off.
So I get to work at 6:45 instead of 6:30. Ok, that's not too bad. I then start my set up routine -- take out my wallet (so I can go to the cafe for breakfast), pull out my cellphone and plug it in, pull out my reading glasses (which unfortunately are now a necessity for me), pull out my laptop and pull out my -- what? oh no! where is my laptop power cord??? Are you freaking kidding me? I know the battery in my laptop is NOT going to get me thru the day. OMG! And I have two meetings today -- one is a conference call so I could take that from home, but the other one (which I will tell you about in the next paragraph) -- the other one I HAVE to be here for! So I hurry up and call our IT guys in the hopes that they have a spare power cord laying around and Praise God they do!!! Whew! So I lucked out with that one.
Now here is where my head immediately goes -- bad things come in threes and OMG I'm pretty sure I already know what #3 is going to be -- I woke up late and got off to a bad start; I didn't have a power cord and that kind of threw me for a loop. And now -- yes now, I have to gear myself up to attend a meeting at 2:00 that is most likely going to tell me my fate at AstraZeneca. We were told last August that there was a "business case" proposed to outsource my department in an effort to save money, reduce expenses, blah blah blah. I have been dealing with this crap for probably the last 5 years -- never knowing when the axe is going to fall. Unfortunately it is the nature of pharmaceutical companies these days. It is unbelievably expensive to run clinical trials (in my former position I used to manage the POs and invoices so I've seen it firsthand) and they come with no guarantee of coming out with a marketable drug. So we could spend millions and billions of dollars and get nothing for it in the end, hence the reason that prescription drugs are so freaking expensive. Anyway, for the last 5 or so years they have been laying people off and I'm pretty sure it is now my turn. Yes, i will get a severance, but I need a job more than I need a severance. I have been at this company for longer than I was married -- I started in 1985 -- so I have been here for 30 years!!! I have always believed that the only way I was leaving this company was thru retirement or death. Very sad at the thought of leaving; very worried about what my future is going to look like. I do not have a college degree but this company has trained me to be a paralegal, a quasi accountant, and now a clinical research assistant/monitor/site manager on a study team. But to get any one of those jobs in the outside world without that little slip of paper, I think is going to be very difficult to do. I am confident I can get "A" job, but what kind of job, what kind of money, what kind of benefits, vacation, flexibility, bonus, etc. I am struggling now and that is while I am making decent money. What am I going to do when I'm only making half of what I'm making now? Is my fate going to include flipping burgers at McDonalds and renting a double-wide trailer somewhere? I feel like I already live a somewhat frugal life -- my house is small, I don't take extravagant vacations, I don't drive luxury cars or spend money on clothes and jewelry -- I can't imagine living any more frugal than I already do.
Now GOD knows I have had my share of hardships over the years and so far I've lived thru each one to tell about it -- so I can't complain there. I somehow manage to get thru them by keeping the faith that things happen for a reason, that there is no sense in stressing over what one can't control, and I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking things one day at a time. I plan to do the same no matter what curve ball is thrown at me today. The hard part is knowing what I should be doing in order to plan for these changes -- getting my ducks in a row. I'm trying to get all of my credit cards paid off, I have one year left of car payments, but I'm thinking of trying to pay a little extra on the principal each month so that I can get that paid off sooner too. I would love to be in a position to only have my mortgage, utilities and groceries to worry about, so that when I do have to take a job where I make substantially less money, that I will be ok. There's no sense in selling my house because my mortgage is only $877 -- I couldn't get into an apartment for that!
So yea, my head is filled with a bunch of "what if"s right now and I know that is just nothing but mind games. So I am trying to go into this meeting prepared to have the band-aid ripped off and know what I am dealing with so that then I can plan for next steps. So my mantra for today is Think Positive, Think Positive, Think Positive. To be continued . . .
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Friday, February 27, 2015
Happy Happy Happy Friday!
It is Friday morning and once again it is snowing here in Delaware -- unexpectedly. I knew that there was a chance of snow showers this afternoon but its 7:30 in the morning and my car and driveway are already covered. Oh well, I'm working from home today so as long as I don't have to drive in it, I'm happy.
Something else that makes me happy today -- my new (to me) computer monitor for my home office! When I work in the office office, I actually have two monitors and its a thing of beauty. So much more productive being able to work off of two screens at the same time. When I work from home though, I am working off of a laptop, which is so much more difficult. Plus when I work in the Impact program there are a zillion different scroll bars and the laptop screen isn't big enough to see them all, so I'm constantly scrolling over horizontally so that I can find the vertical scrollbar and scroll that a little more to find another scrollbar -- it is so frustrating -- even just looking for one button that would take a split second on a big monitor, actually takes me two or three minutes to actually find it. Sounds ridiculous I know, but it really does add more time and I hate being inefficient. BUT I actually called our IT people at work to see if they had any spare monitors and they did -- so they hooked me up with a 19" HP monitor plus a keyboard. I went to Best Buy last night and bought myself the same mouse that I use at work -- its an ergonomic one that uses the trackball -- I love it even though intially they are hard to get used to, but I really wanted to have the same setup at my home office as I do in my work office. So today is the first day that I am using this setup and I love it!
And of course its Friday -- who wouldn't be happy about that! I technically don't even need to put any work hours in today because I am already way beyond my required 37.5, but I will probably work until at least noon -- there's no lack of work, that's for sure. I could work 24/7 and still not be caught up. I do have some errands to run this afternoon - pick up prescriptions, pick up Rachel's contact lenses, etc. and then I would love to get some sewing in. I have an order to make 1 Eagles beach bag and 1 Cowboys beach bag, plus my stepmother's birthday is in a couple of weeks and she is actually going to be here in PA/DE (from Florida) this week so I would like to make one for her and be able to give it to her in person.
I also need to start getting ready for Michelle, Ivan and Lucas -- I can't believe they will be here exactly two weeks from today. Rachel and I took all of Mikayla's stuff out of Michelle's old room -- Mikayla's toddler bed is in Rachel's room now. Plus we put a carpet in there -- that room had cold, hardwood floors that were actually covered with paint spatters all over the floor (suffice to say that the last person that painted that room was - ahem - not a professional lol) and I don't want Lucas to be crawling around on that. I know they will (hopefully) only be with me for a couple of months -- they are very anxious to get their own place as quickly as possible, but I still want to make it halfway decent for them while they are here. So the room for the most part is done -- but now I need to get out to my shed and reorganize in there -- it has become a dumping ground unfortunately for leftover pieces of furniture and just general junk -- and I need to make room for the furniture that is coming in Michelle's pod. Thankfully she doesn't have much -- the dresser and crib will go in their room -- so I think the only other stuff is a small kitchen table and chairs, a bed and I think a small bookcase. But its still enough stuff that I need to make some room for -- hoping for a quasi-warm day within the next two weeks to be able to do that -- the shed does have heat (we call it a shed, but its actually a two-story miniature house complete with central air, heat, electric, cable, phone, full-size fridge -- only thing it doesn't have is a bathroom -- it was basically Joe's mancave when he was alive -- and there is a urinal on the wall (not that that does me any good lol) but he never got around to connecting the pipes to it so it is not functional - geez, if it was functional Michelle, Ivan and Lucas could stay in there lol) -- but I hate to turn the heat on in there for just a few hours (plus it hasn't been turned on now in 6 years so I don't know if it needs to be "tuned-up" or anything first), so I'd rather wait for a day where it warms up a bit. Starting to run out of time though!
So I have plenty of things to keep me busy this weekend! Guess I'd better get back to "work work" so that I can get "done done" and start my weekend!
Something else that makes me happy today -- my new (to me) computer monitor for my home office! When I work in the office office, I actually have two monitors and its a thing of beauty. So much more productive being able to work off of two screens at the same time. When I work from home though, I am working off of a laptop, which is so much more difficult. Plus when I work in the Impact program there are a zillion different scroll bars and the laptop screen isn't big enough to see them all, so I'm constantly scrolling over horizontally so that I can find the vertical scrollbar and scroll that a little more to find another scrollbar -- it is so frustrating -- even just looking for one button that would take a split second on a big monitor, actually takes me two or three minutes to actually find it. Sounds ridiculous I know, but it really does add more time and I hate being inefficient. BUT I actually called our IT people at work to see if they had any spare monitors and they did -- so they hooked me up with a 19" HP monitor plus a keyboard. I went to Best Buy last night and bought myself the same mouse that I use at work -- its an ergonomic one that uses the trackball -- I love it even though intially they are hard to get used to, but I really wanted to have the same setup at my home office as I do in my work office. So today is the first day that I am using this setup and I love it!
And of course its Friday -- who wouldn't be happy about that! I technically don't even need to put any work hours in today because I am already way beyond my required 37.5, but I will probably work until at least noon -- there's no lack of work, that's for sure. I could work 24/7 and still not be caught up. I do have some errands to run this afternoon - pick up prescriptions, pick up Rachel's contact lenses, etc. and then I would love to get some sewing in. I have an order to make 1 Eagles beach bag and 1 Cowboys beach bag, plus my stepmother's birthday is in a couple of weeks and she is actually going to be here in PA/DE (from Florida) this week so I would like to make one for her and be able to give it to her in person.
I also need to start getting ready for Michelle, Ivan and Lucas -- I can't believe they will be here exactly two weeks from today. Rachel and I took all of Mikayla's stuff out of Michelle's old room -- Mikayla's toddler bed is in Rachel's room now. Plus we put a carpet in there -- that room had cold, hardwood floors that were actually covered with paint spatters all over the floor (suffice to say that the last person that painted that room was - ahem - not a professional lol) and I don't want Lucas to be crawling around on that. I know they will (hopefully) only be with me for a couple of months -- they are very anxious to get their own place as quickly as possible, but I still want to make it halfway decent for them while they are here. So the room for the most part is done -- but now I need to get out to my shed and reorganize in there -- it has become a dumping ground unfortunately for leftover pieces of furniture and just general junk -- and I need to make room for the furniture that is coming in Michelle's pod. Thankfully she doesn't have much -- the dresser and crib will go in their room -- so I think the only other stuff is a small kitchen table and chairs, a bed and I think a small bookcase. But its still enough stuff that I need to make some room for -- hoping for a quasi-warm day within the next two weeks to be able to do that -- the shed does have heat (we call it a shed, but its actually a two-story miniature house complete with central air, heat, electric, cable, phone, full-size fridge -- only thing it doesn't have is a bathroom -- it was basically Joe's mancave when he was alive -- and there is a urinal on the wall (not that that does me any good lol) but he never got around to connecting the pipes to it so it is not functional - geez, if it was functional Michelle, Ivan and Lucas could stay in there lol) -- but I hate to turn the heat on in there for just a few hours (plus it hasn't been turned on now in 6 years so I don't know if it needs to be "tuned-up" or anything first), so I'd rather wait for a day where it warms up a bit. Starting to run out of time though!
So I have plenty of things to keep me busy this weekend! Guess I'd better get back to "work work" so that I can get "done done" and start my weekend!
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Sharon's First Ever Blog Post - So Exciting! LOL
Oh my gosh -- I am about to write my very first blog post ever! Yes, I am a bit behind the times seeing as how it is now 2015 -- but that's ok - its exciting to learn something new. My good friend Jane R. has a blog and I am always so interested, intrigued and inspired when I read her posts. I'm not sure that my posts will be as interesting, intriguing or inspiring, but there might be somebody out there who might find what I have to say quasi-entertaining . . . I have described my life over the years in several different ways:
To introduce myself, my name is Sharon, I am about to be 50 years old in just a couple of weeks (although I really don't feel that old), and I live in Newark, Delaware. I was married for 20 years when my husband passed away at the very young age of 46 (cirrhosis), which made me a 43 year old widow and single mom. I have two beautiful daughters, Rachel 23 and Michelle 21 and two lovely grandchildren, Mikayla 3 and Lucas, who will be turning 1 next week - and I love them all dearly. I am in my 30th year of working for a large pharmaceutical company that I love and that is such a huge part of my life, but I am unfortunately facing the possibility of being laid off in the near future. Just the thought of it gets me choked up, but I know that from all of my crazy life experiences over the years, that when one door closes, another one (usually) opens, so I am just trying to keep the faith that no matter what happens, I will be ok. We shall see . . .
When I'm not working, I enjoy being outside near the water (I think that is the pisces in me), spending time with friends and family, and making quilts and sewing projects. I love to create and to see a finished project -- I get such great satisfaction out of that. I think it comes from some of the roles I have had at work over the years - in such a big company you usually only get to work on a piece of a project and you can be moved into a different role before seeing it thru to completion. Right now that has been my therapy, throwing myself into various projects. The last few months have been a real -- geez, I don't even know what word to use -- let's just say they have really sucked -- so I haven't been sewing as much as I would like to but I have a couple of beach bag orders that I need to get to, so maybe I'll try to get to them this weekend. Have to admit, I'm very proud of my beach bags -- everyone that has either bought one from me or who I have given one to, just loves them.
Something else that is a big part of my life is Al-Anon. With my deceased husband being an alcoholic and other family members dealing with addiction issues, Al-Anon has played a huge part in how I live my life, taught me how to let go and not try to control things and how to "stay in my own backyard". I really do live one day at a time, and to be honest, there were times in my life where I was living one hour at a time. Its funny how all of the things I've learned from Al-Anon can carry over into everyday life even in matters that aren't drug or alcohol related. I know I don't get to as many meetings as I should, but my books are on my nightstand and the serenity prayer is hung up on the wall of my cubicle at work, and when I do go to meetings I am always welcomed back with open arms.
Other things I love -- classic rock (Billy Joel, Elton John, the Eagles, Creedence, etc.), the Bachelor (lol), American Idol, Shark Tank, the Duggars and the Kardashians (yea, I know two different ends of the spectrum, but hey, they are people too), and a really good burger! I'm also a little quirky in that I HATE vegetables, I don't swallow pills that are bigger than half a pea and I am TERRIFIED of spiders. It could take me an hour to kill a spider -- my theory is that I like to spray them with hair spray first in order to immobilize them, then when they can't move, hit them with half a can of Raid until they actually drown in it. I can't get close enough to a spider to step on them or to hit them with a fly swatter -- that's just a little too close for comfort, especially because some spiders do jump, you know . . .
Well, I think that's enough for today. Have a fabulous day! I sure am going to try . . .
Sharon
- I could write an entire seasons worth of scripts for Desperate Housewives (dating myself a bit, I know . . . )
- Jerry Springer should just retire and I could take over
- You can't make this sh*t up
To introduce myself, my name is Sharon, I am about to be 50 years old in just a couple of weeks (although I really don't feel that old), and I live in Newark, Delaware. I was married for 20 years when my husband passed away at the very young age of 46 (cirrhosis), which made me a 43 year old widow and single mom. I have two beautiful daughters, Rachel 23 and Michelle 21 and two lovely grandchildren, Mikayla 3 and Lucas, who will be turning 1 next week - and I love them all dearly. I am in my 30th year of working for a large pharmaceutical company that I love and that is such a huge part of my life, but I am unfortunately facing the possibility of being laid off in the near future. Just the thought of it gets me choked up, but I know that from all of my crazy life experiences over the years, that when one door closes, another one (usually) opens, so I am just trying to keep the faith that no matter what happens, I will be ok. We shall see . . .
When I'm not working, I enjoy being outside near the water (I think that is the pisces in me), spending time with friends and family, and making quilts and sewing projects. I love to create and to see a finished project -- I get such great satisfaction out of that. I think it comes from some of the roles I have had at work over the years - in such a big company you usually only get to work on a piece of a project and you can be moved into a different role before seeing it thru to completion. Right now that has been my therapy, throwing myself into various projects. The last few months have been a real -- geez, I don't even know what word to use -- let's just say they have really sucked -- so I haven't been sewing as much as I would like to but I have a couple of beach bag orders that I need to get to, so maybe I'll try to get to them this weekend. Have to admit, I'm very proud of my beach bags -- everyone that has either bought one from me or who I have given one to, just loves them.
Something else that is a big part of my life is Al-Anon. With my deceased husband being an alcoholic and other family members dealing with addiction issues, Al-Anon has played a huge part in how I live my life, taught me how to let go and not try to control things and how to "stay in my own backyard". I really do live one day at a time, and to be honest, there were times in my life where I was living one hour at a time. Its funny how all of the things I've learned from Al-Anon can carry over into everyday life even in matters that aren't drug or alcohol related. I know I don't get to as many meetings as I should, but my books are on my nightstand and the serenity prayer is hung up on the wall of my cubicle at work, and when I do go to meetings I am always welcomed back with open arms.
Other things I love -- classic rock (Billy Joel, Elton John, the Eagles, Creedence, etc.), the Bachelor (lol), American Idol, Shark Tank, the Duggars and the Kardashians (yea, I know two different ends of the spectrum, but hey, they are people too), and a really good burger! I'm also a little quirky in that I HATE vegetables, I don't swallow pills that are bigger than half a pea and I am TERRIFIED of spiders. It could take me an hour to kill a spider -- my theory is that I like to spray them with hair spray first in order to immobilize them, then when they can't move, hit them with half a can of Raid until they actually drown in it. I can't get close enough to a spider to step on them or to hit them with a fly swatter -- that's just a little too close for comfort, especially because some spiders do jump, you know . . .
Well, I think that's enough for today. Have a fabulous day! I sure am going to try . . .
Sharon
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