I think it could end up being one of THOSE days. Started off by waking up 50 minutes late. One thing I hate more than anything is having my routine messed with -- I like structure and organization -- and my morning routine is the most important because if its messed with, it usually is an indication of how my day is going to go. So instead of being able to leisurely get ready for work, I had to get myself in high gear. I normally LEAVE for work at exactly 6 a.m. When I woke up it was 5:50 -- uggh. So no time for a shower -- instead I just brushed my teeth, put on makeup, got dressed, tried to do something with this hair (that's another whole post), took my pills and out the door I went. So I managed to only be 15 minutes late for work. And by late, its not like somebody is sitting in my office with their arms crossed and tapping their feet, saying WHERE IS SHE? SHE'S LATE! Its not like that where I work -- its extremely flexible. If I wanted to, I could start at 9 and just work later. But I like to get in early so I can leave early. I like to be able to see some daylight when I get out of work and to be able to ENJOY some of the day. And I like to miss the bulk of the traffic. By leaving at 6 am I can usually be at work in 15-20 minutes. Leave any later than that and the idiots have started showing up on the road. So when my routine is messed with, its only really messed with in my own head, but I still don't like it. It still throws me off.
So I get to work at 6:45 instead of 6:30. Ok, that's not too bad. I then start my set up routine -- take out my wallet (so I can go to the cafe for breakfast), pull out my cellphone and plug it in, pull out my reading glasses (which unfortunately are now a necessity for me), pull out my laptop and pull out my -- what? oh no! where is my laptop power cord??? Are you freaking kidding me? I know the battery in my laptop is NOT going to get me thru the day. OMG! And I have two meetings today -- one is a conference call so I could take that from home, but the other one (which I will tell you about in the next paragraph) -- the other one I HAVE to be here for! So I hurry up and call our IT guys in the hopes that they have a spare power cord laying around and Praise God they do!!! Whew! So I lucked out with that one.
Now here is where my head immediately goes -- bad things come in threes and OMG I'm pretty sure I already know what #3 is going to be -- I woke up late and got off to a bad start; I didn't have a power cord and that kind of threw me for a loop. And now -- yes now, I have to gear myself up to attend a meeting at 2:00 that is most likely going to tell me my fate at AstraZeneca. We were told last August that there was a "business case" proposed to outsource my department in an effort to save money, reduce expenses, blah blah blah. I have been dealing with this crap for probably the last 5 years -- never knowing when the axe is going to fall. Unfortunately it is the nature of pharmaceutical companies these days. It is unbelievably expensive to run clinical trials (in my former position I used to manage the POs and invoices so I've seen it firsthand) and they come with no guarantee of coming out with a marketable drug. So we could spend millions and billions of dollars and get nothing for it in the end, hence the reason that prescription drugs are so freaking expensive. Anyway, for the last 5 or so years they have been laying people off and I'm pretty sure it is now my turn. Yes, i will get a severance, but I need a job more than I need a severance. I have been at this company for longer than I was married -- I started in 1985 -- so I have been here for 30 years!!! I have always believed that the only way I was leaving this company was thru retirement or death. Very sad at the thought of leaving; very worried about what my future is going to look like. I do not have a college degree but this company has trained me to be a paralegal, a quasi accountant, and now a clinical research assistant/monitor/site manager on a study team. But to get any one of those jobs in the outside world without that little slip of paper, I think is going to be very difficult to do. I am confident I can get "A" job, but what kind of job, what kind of money, what kind of benefits, vacation, flexibility, bonus, etc. I am struggling now and that is while I am making decent money. What am I going to do when I'm only making half of what I'm making now? Is my fate going to include flipping burgers at McDonalds and renting a double-wide trailer somewhere? I feel like I already live a somewhat frugal life -- my house is small, I don't take extravagant vacations, I don't drive luxury cars or spend money on clothes and jewelry -- I can't imagine living any more frugal than I already do.
Now GOD knows I have had my share of hardships over the years and so far I've lived thru each one to tell about it -- so I can't complain there. I somehow manage to get thru them by keeping the faith that things happen for a reason, that there is no sense in stressing over what one can't control, and I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking things one day at a time. I plan to do the same no matter what curve ball is thrown at me today. The hard part is knowing what I should be doing in order to plan for these changes -- getting my ducks in a row. I'm trying to get all of my credit cards paid off, I have one year left of car payments, but I'm thinking of trying to pay a little extra on the principal each month so that I can get that paid off sooner too. I would love to be in a position to only have my mortgage, utilities and groceries to worry about, so that when I do have to take a job where I make substantially less money, that I will be ok. There's no sense in selling my house because my mortgage is only $877 -- I couldn't get into an apartment for that!
So yea, my head is filled with a bunch of "what if"s right now and I know that is just nothing but mind games. So I am trying to go into this meeting prepared to have the band-aid ripped off and know what I am dealing with so that then I can plan for next steps. So my mantra for today is Think Positive, Think Positive, Think Positive. To be continued . . .
